


A Different Conversation

by laEsmeralda



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 12:57:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13788231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laEsmeralda/pseuds/laEsmeralda
Summary: Bucky and Steve remember a pivotal experience long in the past.





	A Different Conversation

"I don't want you to go back under," Steve says, his voice less steady than normal.

"Can't think of another way." Bucky stares back across a short distance. Steve is in his personal space, or he's in Steve's. It still feels surreal to re-know this man, a second time. The serum transformation changed their relative physicality, and it took Bucky a long time not to try to protectively surround or herd Steve. Then, in the war, Steve used his body to protect Bucky. That might have been a long time ago for everyone else, but not so much for them. Transformed, himself, Bucky is as strong now. But Steve is shielding him, emotionally. "Peggy," Bucky says, shifting topic. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah," is all Steve can acknowledge.

"I wish I'd been able to see her in this time. Explain some things." He sees the nearly imperceptible flinch in Steve's eyes. "Not," he hastens to add, "that. Not mine to tell." It brings the memory fresh, knowing how Steve tastes, just that once. They had been very close friends, but he had never told Steve anything of the deeper feelings. 

"About that…" Steve glances away. 

Bucky knows that it isn't revulsion, not that he would shut up if it were. Time is short. This is important. 

"She knew. I told her." A sad smile flickers for the briefest moment.

"That must have been difficult." Bucky sighs. "Listen, only later, I realized that you must have thought it was only because of, well, this." He sweeps a hand to indicate Steve's body. 

Folding his arms, Steve doesn't say anything. But he doesn't turn away. 

"It was, but not like you probably think." The truth, a shard in his chest, makes it hard to breathe. He swallows. "I loved you. The whole time. Not just like we'd say, _thick as thieves_ or _brothers_." He lowers his eyes, unable to watch Steve watch him say this. "Times were what they were. And you were… I felt like a predator." He glances up. Compassion is what he sees, even though Steve's arms are still folded, resolutely.

"I was small, vulnerable. It's true."

"Plucky, tough, undaunted." Bucky smiles. "But yeah."

"You would've never intentionally hurt me. I know."

This is beyond difficult. They've never spoken of it. Bucky leans back against the wall, giving a mere inch of ground, but it matters. "Once you were bigger than me, stronger, basically invincible, I didn't have to protect you from me. I let my guard down. That's why it happened."

Steve blinks, long, slowly, the speckled iris unveils again. "I've just burned my life to the ground, seemingly betrayed many friends, not only for a principle, probably not mainly for that principle. For you. I wouldn't think my feelings are in question."

The shard eases a little. "That's loyalty. I don't question that." He forces himself not to shrug. "We've never talked about what happened."

Steve unfolds his arms. "Let's not. I remember it. Every burning second of it."

To his own amazement, Bucky's face flushes. Mass murderer by proxy and he can still feel shame. 

"I would rather have a different conversation," Steve murmurs. He shifts forward, eliminating the extra inch Bucky gave him. A hand comes to clasp the leather covering Bucky's stump, steadying him. 

He watches Steve's lips close the distance, incredulous until the warm wet of Steve's mouth is his. He opens to it, a relieved sound escaping. Steve pulls him forward, arms coming around him, and they buttress one another in the embrace for a long couple of minutes, a bit lost, more found.  
*******


End file.
